A Letter to my Ex

14 Feb

14 February 2018

Dear Craig,

When I first thought about writing you, I admit I was rather trepidatious, especially after hearing your voice in court last month. I am alarmed at the hatred you harbor toward me, still…after all these years…but why?  At some point, you’ve got to stop blaming me for everything and take responsibility for your actions, for your part in the divorce and let the anger go. Man! 

holding on to anger

So, I took some time to reflect upon what I wanted to say and how best to convey that to you.  

I truly wish you peace.  I hope somehow you will see that.  I’m not looking to bash you, nor do I foster any ill-will.  I just wish to come together amicably and somehow resolve this.  To figure out the reasons why you still do not contact your children and remedy it before the door closes for good.  It has been 7.5 years now.  Seriously, at what point do you stop thinking about you and think about them?!   Your energy is consumed by anger toward me instead of doing right by them.  Please, I implore you, put it aside now.

It’s heartbreaking the way you just turned your back on your children. 

With all due respect, I need you to understand that as their Mum, I cannot nor will not allow you to negate your responsibilities to two children you helped bring into this world!  Listen, I do whatever it takes, sacrifice whatever it takes to care for them, but what I cannot understand is WHY  you see fit to make it so hard for us!  WHY do you want to see them fail?  Don’t you realize that, since I am the custodial parent, if I struggle, they struggle?!  It is both about financial and emotional support.  It costs money to raise children!  Our son has changed shoe sizes twice in six months!  Both kiddos require braces and that alone is costing me a fortune.  They both have activities they love, and they  are happy!  They have me, their Mum who loves them, but what about you??

 Gosh, I love them so much! They are the most awesome humans you will ever meet!  Ya know, I’ve worked on myself and learned to let go of my anger, sorrow and pain.  I have forgiven myself for our marriage falling apart, I’ve forgiven you for our marriage falling apart.  But, I still have a hard time of wrapping my head around the fact that you shut them out, kicked them to the curb without as much as a backward glance!  Damn, that is cold and hurtful; the deep down to the core hurtful and those babies did not one thing to deserve to be treated that way by you.  Everyone that knows us cannot believe it!  People you’ve said horrible things about me to cannot believe it!  7.5 years, whew!

Listen, responsible men and women successfully take care of their obligations, pay bills, buy homes, plan for their futures and such.  Responsible parents do everything above and way more!  First and foremost, they put the needs of their children above their own.   Secondly, no respectful and responsible MAN wants to see his children hurting.  He will stop at nothing to make sure they are provided for emotionally and financially because he wants his children to know he loves them.

You have missed out on so much already…I encourage you to get to know these two BEAUTIFUL Blessings God bestowed on us before it is too late.  I’ve raised our children to show forgiveness and compassion, so please do not think I’ve somehow poisoned them against you.  I have not.  I just would like to do what is right for the kiddos.  After all that has gone down, forgiveness has now freed me to extend an olive branch.  Won’t you please accept it?

I’ve always instilled in our kiddos, the importance of leading by example so, if I want them to see what true forgiveness looks like, the best way I can think of is for me to step up, put the ugly away for good and move forward.  For whatever this is worth, I forgive you, and sincerely hope you can forgive me as well.  

You are like 47 or 48 years old now, let’s act like adults who share children and only want what is absolutely the best for them!  Together, let’s lead by example.  You know Dad is turning over in his grave that things came to this, he loved these two so much and he still watches over them!

Personally, I cannot imagine what you must live with every day; deep down  in your soul, knowing that you turned your back on your own flesh and blood…If you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel happy, if you can truly see and accept the man you’ve become; a man who has two beautiful children he hasn’t seen or contacted in 7.5 years, and if you say you can live with yourself knowing you are wrong for hurting them, well, all I can say is good luck. You will contend with God.  You will have to answer for it.  Somehow, I don’t think you were raised that way though.  We did used to love one another.  We did create a family together.  I cannot fathom that you are a complete monster…Are you?

Listen, it stopped being about me and you once the divorce was finalized.  You’ve moved on with someone else and I am glad for you.  I can honestly say that!  Would you please try to do the same?  Just be glad for me? 

This letter is my way of telling you that I am sorry I hurt you when I divorced you.  However, let’s be honest, it just was not working for you and me.  I write because I seek some sort of peaceful resolution from you with respect to your financial responsibility for the kiddos.  Your child support arrearages are now in excess of $24,600 and as such,  I cannot in all good consciousness, let this continue with-out actively doing my part to make peace, to get you to please be responsible; these are our children’s lives and quality of life at stake here!  Please, put aside your anger, because you cannot just do this to our kiddos!

What Forgiveness Is

I’ve enclosed some pics of the kiddos with the hope that you’d like to get to know them.

Our son is 14years old now, can you believe it?!  He’s 5’8.5”, in the 8th grade and growing like crazy; literally overnight!  He wears a size 9.5 men’s shoe already!  He’s an honor student and a gamer just like you used to be!  Oy vey!  He plays BBall (basketball) and is rather talented at it!!  He’s a kind, considerate, funny as hell, young gentleman who loves to hang with friends and ride his bike.  This is his last year in middle school, then he’s off to high school!  He’s already worrying me about driving (eye roll) and has his eye on a career in architectural engineering. 

Our daughter is just about 13 (going on 30) and in the 7th grade.  She’s 5’2”, a social butterfly, school news reporter, an honor student, a member of the drama club and has acted in many plays; singing and dancing in them too!  Believe it or not, she still has “Piggy” but her favorite stuffed animal been retired and is just on display now!  She’s such a sweet young lady who knows what she wants to be in life; an actress and a dentist, she loves to sew and dabbles in photography too!

Both kiddos love to cook.  While I’d love to take all the credit for this, it is a requirement in middle school.  Roxy, our beloved  now 12 yr old Black Lab is still hanging in there with us, despite being diagnosed with lung cancer last Oct.  She is showered with love!

In closing, if you’d like to make it right by the kiddos, please pay your support, faithfully and consistently; they shouldn’t have to see me constantly struggle to make ends meet. They remember you. Do ya want them to see you as this??  So, come on, what do you say?  Can we please move forward?

 Finally, please, I again urge you reach out to your kiddos before it is truly too late…My address is above if you wish to write back.  Our home number remains the same.  







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