Creating New Holiday Traditions With Your Children ~ After Divorce

1 Dec

Just My Two Cents on ~

Creating New Holiday Traditions With Your Children After A Divorce

Divorce is very traumatic for all involved, especially our children.  One of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a parent, is from my kids.

~The Lesson ~

In order to move on, you must first heal, collectively as a family, and individually.

To facilitate that process, we (the parents) must teach our young, to challenge themselves, creatively as a way to express their feelings.

I have found it to be an excellent tool in creating confidence, having tons of fun and developing a deeper, loving and more enriching bond with my babies.

~Just listen~

They really just want to be heard and be reassured that they are loved.  My children needed to know it wasn’t their fault.  How very simple ~ yet true.

Celebrating the holiday’s right after a divorce can be very difficult, especially if the other parent is no longer involved in the children’s lives.

My children actually felt like their father hated them and somehow it was “all” their fault he wasn’t calling anymore.  I just broke my heart.

~Remember, this is a very painful and pain-filled time for your precious ones~

To help make the transition a little easier, try something new.  Create New Traditions to share with your kids and make it joyous OCCASION for years to come!

You must be extra nurturing, loving and most importantly, BE available.

I availed myself to CJ, my “I’m almost eight, Mom!” year old son.  Boy am I glad I did ~ His idea blew me away!

~One boy’s idea~

The key is to make it about your new family. Listen to their concerns and ideas.  Last year, my son came up with a doosey!

CJ wanted to “Celebrate” surviving being abandoned by his father.  The tears seared my cheeks as I heard his heartfelt pitch.  I was a little leery, but listened intently.

He instructed Reilly and I to write down on a piece of paper, three things we were thankful for after their father’s sudden disappearance from their lives.

We each took a turn reading from our lists, out loud.  That was important because ~ they needed to be heard ~ and I am thankful to have listened.


~And so, a tradition was born~

The next part of CJ’s idea was to ‘shoot’ a Nerf dart (with multi-colored ribbons attached by him) into the sky and say a silent prayer as the dart descended.  My children unburdened themselves and released the pain.

~Time to heal and have some fun~

They really got into the spirit, even decorated the house (with karate belts as streamers, Ha!) we played music ~ I believe it was his favorite Kids Bop CD ~ we danced and laughed!  Of course, we are doing it again this Christmas, only on a “Much grander scale” ~ courtesy of CJ and Reilly ~ TOP SECRET ~ To be continued ~

~Adding to the new~

This year, we are adding to our ever growing ‘Kimberly’s Klan New Holiday Traditions’ as I am teaching my children the importance of giving back.

We are volunteering at a local food bank.  I want them to know even though we’ve gone through hard times, we are still blessed enough to be able to help our fellow human beings ‘weather’ their own storm ~  with a smile ~ a kind word  ~ and ~  by serving them a hot meal.

~Mommy, we are thankful~

Children are never too young to understand what it means to have a generous spirit and the impact that can have on someone’s life.

Each year, we will add to our “New Traditions” list.  Who knows, it might just grow…the seeds have been planted after all.

 

~Help to Encourage and Empower your children~

Since you are a new family unit, encourage and empower your kids to create new, fun and wacky ways to celebrate the holidays.  Start your own brand new tradition but, hang on to some of the familiar ones too.  Let them think up the whole concept from start to finish.

~Lead by example~

I was amazed, (while, as a mother, it is quite sad and hurtful to fathom, just how much pain my wee ones have endured) to see just how resilient they really are.  I refused to let this get the best of us and they followed my lead.

My children are hurting because my ex-husband refuses to engage in any contact with them ~ I have taught them not to allow it to define who we are as a family!

~We are FAMILY ~

I am clearly being led by a ‘higher power.’  I refused to focus on the negative and unknowingly set an important example for my children.

Gosh, it was the idea, the way he and his sister conceived this, fantastic and creatively cleaver way of healing and expressing their feelings.   That has me completely blown away by my children’s wisdom ~ beyond their years ~

I love them; now MORE than I ever have in my whole life, is that, even possible?

~Releasing the pain~

He and Reilly were able to open their hearts and learn to let go of it, on their terms!  We had fun with it ~ we just roll like that!  My Little WARRIORS!!

To have the privilege of sitting in the front row ~ To get to see them grow and blossom, close up, is quite the gift!  Happy Holidays, WARRIORS!  Enjoy.

Just My Two Cents♥♥

© 2011

Feel free to share your Traditions.  I’d love to hear your two cents, so by all means, leave a comment!

~An afterthought ~

One of the most important lessons I learned as a parent that day, is our children have a voice and it must be heard.  Sometimes, as parents we tend to not hear the message our little ones are imparting.

My babies were hurting and I am so thankful, I heard them!  LESSON:  In as many ways as you possibly can, Reassure your kids that life does go on and that you will always be there for them!

Children need to feel involved, so create fun, holiday activities you can do together as a new family.

Keep them involved in the process of thinking up new things to do as they grow.  Just think of the great memories to come!

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