TIPS for Dating a Single Mommy

23 Aug

It’s not easy being a parent ~ Having an intimate relationship with your spouse while raising children is challenging enough ~ Can you imagine how difficult it is to be a single parent and date?

After my divorce, I was eager to get back into the dating scene ~ secretly, I needed to prove to myself that I was still desirable; outwardly, I wanted validation from my married girlfriends–I wanted to “Show them” that I was not some pathetic divorcee and, I foolishly thought that if I had a “Man” right away, they wouldn’t pity me. 

Crazy thinking I know, but that was my silly perception.  After a painfully, life changing experience like divorce ~ it is fair to say that  ~ judgement IS clouded!  LOL. 

Each experience was my lesson, my journey.  I had to come to the realization that I do not need the validation of my friends or, of a man to determine my self worth.  I am perfectly imperfect, thank you very much!  And, I LOVE my children more than life!

While I have had my fair share of dating disasters; Oh the stories I could tell ~ like the internet date who had issues with letting go.  He still kept in touch with his “Ex” and actually arranged for her to be eating dinner at the same restaurant, a few tables away from where we were, just in case our date didn’t go well. 

OMG ~ sounds like a Hollywood Script for sure!  Needless to say, I beat feet to get away from him!  Or ~ there was the guy who was a “friend of a “friend”, and had just gone through a messy divorce ~ we had “so much” in common, both of us with young children, blah, blah, blah ~ only to find out that he wasn’t EVEN separated yet!  OY!!  Let’s just say, I have learned a lot ~ sense of humor in tact! 

Here are a few tips to hopefully help men understand what it means to date a Single Mommy before getting into anything serious with her ~ AND ~ especially BEFORE meeting her children.

Dating A Single Mother

1.  Let’s keep this as real as possible.  Seriously, if you do not like children ~ PLEASE don’t even bother!  We are a package deal, not baggage!  So, if you are not ready for that level of commitment or, cannot handle the fact that we will not always be available when you want us, by all means,  seek a single partner.

2.  Speaking of single ~ please remember that a single mother is ALWAYS a MOMMY FIRST and a single woman, second.

3.  Her children already have a father ~ who may or may not  participate in their lives.  NOTE:  All single mothers are not looking for a replacement, an “instant daddy.”  If you truly care for her, you must FIRST ask yourself if are at a place in your life to accept children, and, can you accept somebody else’ s children.  If you are okay with that, then you will find away to show her and her children, that you care and really want to be a positive part of their lives.

4.  Unemployed or unmotivated men needn’t apply.  She can be broke all by herself.  Nuff said!

5. A word to the wise ~ don’t criticize!  Unless, she is abusive toward her children, please reserve comments on her parenting style.  It is difficult at best, to be the sole source of support, discipline, love, homework checker, chauffeur, and EVERYTHING else to her children ~ without a breather, I might add.  Some days she may be a little cranky and fuss at her children, (Speaking from a personal perspective) just know that she only wants what is ABSOLUTELY in their best interest, so please be patient.

6.  Be Honest with her about your feelings and what your expectations are from a relationship with a single mother.  If it is not for you, she will appreciate your honesty and, who knows?!  You might just gain a great friend!

7.  Please don’t take advantage of or, use a single mother.   It is seriously PATHETIC!  Because a single mommy is friendly and engaging in conversation, does not mean she wants to have a romantic relationship with you.  Sometimes it is just WONDERFUL to be able have a male friend.  Gosh, what happened to the days when men and women could just be friends?!  Look guys, because we are single does not mean we are desperate!  Yes, we want companionship, just not at the expense of our self-worth.

8.  NEVER, EVER treat her as a Booty Call!  For goodness sake~ She is a mother, First and Foremost! Think about it ~ would you want someone to treat your mother, sister or your daughter that way?  Be respectful.

9. Don’t play games with her ~ she has feelings and, chances are, she has been through ENOUGH.  Also, please don’t judge her ~ we ALL have a PAST.

10.  LASTLY ~ If she introduces you to her children, then she is in it for the long haul.  If you are not serious, HAUL ASS!!

Good Luck!

Just My Two Cents♥♥

© 2011, 2012

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